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Since I am not going anywhere or doing anything for New Year's I thought I might write a little... or a lot; depends on where my thoughts take me.

In celebrating the New Year, I used to celebrate BECAUSE it was the New Year, new beginnings, changes and what the new year holds. Now I celebrate for a different reason: For all the accomplishments I did in the past year. Close some chapters, started some new ones, made new friends, have stronger bonds with the friends I still have, tried new things, did old things, anything I did the past year that meant something I will always hold dear to me.

I can't party like I used to (I can but don't need to). New Years is a time of reflection and a reminder of what can be done in a year. How much change you can make and how it can change you (hopefully) all for the better.

Been finding myself using the internet less and less. And I feel better about it! I'm not looking at pictures or art of others doing things and feeling depressed. I tend to get a jealous when others' lives are better than my own - then I get depressed because I'm not doing anything about it. I'm not feeling that when I'm off the webs for a day or so.

Rather concentrating on what others are doing, I'm gonna concentrate on what I'M doing. Start looking in hindsight. So much time is wasted when I have plenty to do. Procrastinate much? Yes, quite a bit. If I could just spend 30 minutes a day on a relaxing walk, it could change my whole demeanor. Stop making excuses and just do it. Make it a habit unlike that unhealthy one I do. Slowed down a whole lot, though. Which is a start. Now I need to finish it.


A bit of closure

Hey, it Christmas! Have a merry one, everybody!

I went to my sister's house and saw the family for the 1st time since the beginning of summer and had the first contact also. I gathered my jingle balls and took a deep breath before I got outta my car. Knocked on the door, then i got bombarded with hugs and slight tear shed. Sister: "I got my brother for Christmas!" Nothing can express how that felt to me.

I guess you can we are a family again.

 Never once did we talk about what transpired. We were just happy to see each other. I planned on going over for Christmas anyways cause, you know, it'll be a lonely day if i didn't. Blood runs so thick in my family, especially the ones that live closest to you, one little spat over a dang cell phone just aint worth the drama. Even though it did take a long time for this reconsiliation. Better late than never. 

Still don't know how much time I will be spending with them in the near future, but at least I know I'm welcomed at any time.

What a fuckin night

It started about 4 pm today working at the convenience store, by myself.  A couple of 9 - 10 year old kids stole something and ran out the door. Couldn't chase them down nor didn't see where they went. Little pieces of shit are not coming in the store again.

I see them every weekend. I decided to lock the 2nd entance door from there. Its a door that opens behind the cash registers, our backs are turned to it constantly when dealing with customers. Plus there is a wall of tobacco products where we can't see who comes in unless we look at the monitor that has a camera facing the door which is hanging across the way. If we don't look, we won't see them until they get to the entrance to the registers.

Nothing really happened between then and 9:15 pm. Normal customers, regulars and good people.

At around the 9:15 pm I heard some rustling in the corner inside the register floor. There is an opening right at the door where the fire extinguisher is. A guy from behind the registers, peeking over the tobacco product wall, asks if I had a pair of pliers. What for? IDK. Whatever. I had the pliers in my hand. I turned around the product wall and I see him pulling his shirt over two cartons of cigarettes. "Dude! WTF!" I exclaimed, put that shit back and get fuck outta my store! He darted as I was yelling obscenities at him. There were no other customers around. "I don't know what your talking about, durrrrrrrr" I swear I wanted to tackle him, hog tie him and call the police right then and there but by the time I call the police period he'll be long gone. The camera won't do shit and i didn't see what car he got into to tag. He made off with them, with the cartons sticking his shirt out like it was so not obvious. Fuxk! I wanted to throw a fucking boulder at his ass for doing something that fuckin stupid.

Then about an hour later when I was getting ready to go home, I got a call from a security office saying something was amiss with our alarm system. Things were going off, silent alarms, etc. They asked me to check around the building for an emergency alarm system  Put me thru two people asking what I see, where is this and where is that. I thought it was the people who watch our cameras to see if they work. I kept being there guinea pig to figure out what the problem was with our system. There were buttons I was pressing and they said they could've been crossed. I went under the register where there is a red button. You know the cartoons that have the big red Do Not Press button? Yeah, it was the time that I had to do it but it was marked clearly as the emergency gas cut-off, DO NOT PRESS. Maybe the wires were cross with that, I dunno. I pressed it. People were pumping gas and it stopped on them. The security over phone said  "We have identified the problem, thanks a lot." Then whoever I was talking to put me on hold and the supervisor got back on........................................
All I heard was a laugh in my ear and saying that you got owned! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God fucking dammit!!!!! Threw an anger rage in front of customers. Not what I wanted, but it happened. Broke one of the cordless phones we had by slamming it to the ground. I never heard a line of people be so quiet before.

Now, how do I turn the gas back on?. IDFK how to fuckin do that! I don't have a phone nor does our landline phone make long distance calls so I wasn't able to call my manager what-so-ever! The third shift guy was there so he was handling the customers as I was flipping my shit.

Had to close the store down for an hour until we got thing situated. Restarting/rebooting the computers, checking all types of switches, getting a phone to call my manager to walk thru the BS I put the store in. Denying customers of our gas. Nucking Futz.
Anyways, I had to call the customer service hotline store help and explained my fuck up. They walked me thru on how to turn the gas back on. Went into the office and low and behold, the circuit breaker for the gas pumps was off. Turn it completely off then back on. Ta-fucking-Da! Everything is ok, finally. Stayed an hour and a half over with no pay.

The worse part about that was I actually asked them for proof of who they were, but because it sounded real, and gullible I am. I went along with it. Lesson fucking learned. GAH!!!!

*beats self up* *cries*

From a Droid to Nothing at all

I've been saving some money since I got both of my jobs. I am able to get the droid. Wanting it ever since it came out. I did today and then wanted to break off from Marla's Family plan to get my own because that was what she wanted. After I got my paycheck from the golf club I went to verizon

The verizon guy told me that if i wanted an upgrade for my phone, i need to do it under the family plan first then break off from there because if I had got my own plan first, the upgrade wouldn't be there. Fine.

The droid is linked up to my number under the plan. Went to break from the fam plan to my own. "All we need is a $400 deposit. I don't have that now since paying $300 for the phone. Do you think I could come back afterwards like in 2 weeks?" They also said there be an extra $30 on the bill for whatever BS charge for upgrading, or transfering or WTF ever it is. I was fine with that since I had an $100 rebate that I'm going to give to my sis for the missed help payments of the phone. I was catching up on bills when I didn't have a job for 2 months and all the times before cause I was barely living on my earnings as it was. Now, I can prob get a new car, but that ain't happening cause i like saving money and then get something that i need - like a new phone.

They went ahead a threw my other crappy phone in the recycle bin. Didn't need it anymore, or so I thought.

Within 2 hours of playing with it and learning all the bells and whistles, posting in every social site I'm in proclaiming my new Droid,  I got an voicemail from sis saying that we need to talk. Short message. Called her, husband answers saying she's pissed at me for getting one and I'm assuming its because its so damn expensive. Why? IDK.

I hear her scream in the background: "Get your own life!"  *heart stops*  .............Fine, i'll take it back, but not without a price.

Went back to verizon pissed as all hell broke loose. I was able to contained my anger, sadness, and frustration while waiting an hour to return the phone. Got up to the sales rep and told him half the story. But I did tell him this" "I want this phone returned, everything I bought with it, and cancel my number" We can't cancel this particular number without her actually being there to authorize. She just left out of town to see Dad." "Sorry, sir" "Then don't charge anything on this number."  I stormed out. Got in my vehicle and started punching everything from the ceiling, the steering wheel, and stomping at the floor.

Went to another verizon store in a mall right across the street. I also told the sales rep there half the story today. I all wanted was a new plan with any type of phone at the moment. "we need a $400 deposit" Walked out without a word.

Probably the worst thing I did was when I called her back from the convenience store I worked at. Her husband answers again. "I took the phone back" "ok good" "And I don't care if I ever hear from y'all again"

She said for me to get my own life, I have no remorse to live it without her.

And yes Heidi, that is what I said and this is the complete honest truth. Don't play peace keeper. It won't work anymore. We are two grown adults and I'm tired of being the first to say i'm sorry and not one apology in return. We need to get together on our own and talk about our situations. Just her and I. No one else, in a public place so she won't think I will try to kill her. (yes, her paranoid thoughts about me) I'll even pay for our meal.

K thanks

Finally, an upgrade

So, I had this Verizon Samsung Juke for 2 and half years. This phone was good to me. Held 2 gigs worth of music, still be able to receive texts and phone calls while listening to it. Thats all i needed at the time - when I had one job.

Now, I have two jobs, And its hard trying to keep up with everyone. I have lost contact with a few friends. I need to call them or text them but I can't since my phone has the white screen display curse spell put on it. I can't read texts, I don't know who calls unless its a specific ringtone. I can't call anyone unless they call me first. With that I mean I can call the last person who called me if I hit the call button twice. If someone sends me text, i get lucky when tryng to call them back and ask them what they sent.  This phone has been dropped countless times, ran over with a golf cart and then hitting the brakes while the tire was on top of it scraping the hell out of the my phone screen (that's not the reason why its white screened. Still saw the display after it happened), the battery falls off just by it being in my pocket, can't scroll thru my song playlist to play whatever I wanted to - the music dials quit so I had to play each song in alphabetical order and start and end where i turned it off last (before whitescreen); and the alarm goes off at 1:40 pm everyday. I would turn it off but i need to see the display so i -can- turn it off. -.-

I've been wanting a Droid for awhile and I have to say thanks to Bucktown's product placements in his Shop during his Ustream. (He should get a piece of the commission when I do get one). I let 4 different good/bad reviews of it alter my decision. Needed a first hand response from a friend. My decision is final and I will get one. Thanks Buck! ^_^

Now, the only way I won't get one is if I don't have the cash after paying three bills this week.

By my calculations, it will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine. >D

And with the Droid, I'll be able to keep up with all my internet profiles, keep them updated, and respond quicker to others. It'll help keep me in contact with everyone I know.

So, for the phone. I may lose a lot of numbers that I once had. So I'll be asking for numbers real soon so If you have my number, I want your number. Someone new? We'll exchange. ^^ , I'll post -from- my new Droid when I get it so y'all can private message me with then Most likely will be this weekend.


Thoughts of my 2nd round of the FFFF

When I first looked at the list of all the suiters that are in the same round with me, I never would've thought I would be in the midst of so many popular suits. I am somewhat at least humbled by that. In my eyes, I stuck out like a sore thumb. Little blue me, swamped by popufurs. Cool! =^_^=   That means more recognition. Yay! And more recognition for my sis for the credits to building my fursuit.
I knew I wasn't winning that round but it is still amazing being in the middle of oh so many popular suiters.
I would also like to thank the 52 furries that voted for me. THANK YOU! *many hugs to them* I was trumped by nearly 300 votes.  But I am surprised I got that many. Plus I was the only one who didn't break 100 votes. Thats counts for something, right?

Anywhosers, I guess I'll see how far I go cause I still have the elimination bracket. Hopefully I'll be advancing just a wee bit further.

I wouldn't be surprised if Takala wins the whole thing. Everytime I am up against someone in any kind of tourney, I get beat by the guy in the earlier rounds before they become the winner. It seems to happen that way.

Update? Wow, haven't done that in awhile

Yeah, been awhile since you heard from me unless you're JT or Kat and possibly anyone else who does have an LJ or FA and also lives in driving distance. But for those who are wondering what i'm up to since the nomination of me in the FFFF and winning the 1st round to my surprise. I have been in a little rut since I lost my job right before FWA. And after FWA - slowly sliding downhill.  

Yes, I did lose my job at a well renowned country club for 10 and half years. but sure enough was able to still afford to go to FWA because of my tax break which in turn helped me pay the bills for two months. Haven't heard from me say anything about FWA, yet? Well then, in one imaginary word - Fantacular! Ok moving on

It was hard to find a job. Went through four interviews and constantly calling those places back, "We're sorry but we are still going through interviews" >< w/e, but fortunately I have a friend who works at a convenience store that helped me through the door to get something going. The best part is that its literally walking distance - which will save gas.  Today was my first day after a month and a half of being jobless. At least It's something for now until I find something better. There were so many people I knew that came in on my first day. Some I haven't seen in years. Pass through playing catch-up then it is on to the next customer. Its good to see those people again. Seeing that they are still living around the area is good. I needed more interaction with people face to face. About to go insane staying at home, saving money and talking through the netz. Internet is good but a lacks that type of interaction and face to face contact. Its good for me, so I'll say that much. No need to get technical here.

But my tax money dwindled away after oh so many bills. Needed something quick and it will do. Still need to get a second job to pay off my school loan so I am able to go back.

During that time period of having no work, I cracked out on Final Fantasy 13. Logged over 100 hours on that 3 disk game. It is an awesome story, a little befuddling at the end, but great story nonetheless. Took awhile to get started for it just trudges on, and on, and on, and on....Then all the side quests, amazing graphics, and solid play control kept me playing. Only part I hated the most was the map. Which ever direction you were facing the map turned with you so I would always lose my place. After battles, its hard to tell which way you were facing, the landscape in a certain areas tend to look the same. Then the HUD map didn't work with the hills, so you would think you can't go through that area for it turns out to be a little jump. Annoying.   so I keep checking the map on a constant basis to find out where I am and see if  i'm heading in the right direction. The the legend key hardly helps when the Item cursors are so damned small! Only squinting with my glasses on and sitting 4 inches from the TV was I able to make it out.

My apartment caught on fire. Big news today. My AC doesn't work, so after 3 weeks of telling the apartment manager about the problem they finally got to it this week; they checked the problem on Monday, needed an AC Tech, rained on Tuesday - nothing can get done while. Wednesday they said they needed to order a new unit and hopeully it will be here before the weekend, the unit came in today so the AC Tech half-assed installed it with the circuit breakers still off. I went to work before he completed it. When I looked in the back of the apartment before I left - the box, tools, and a unit not completely installed were still there, so I called my roommate to let him know whats happening. I went to work and he came home maybe an hour or two afterwards. Everything was ok then. Then he calls me at work saying that there is a fire in our apartment. Evn though I was right down the street, I stayed - for one, my first day; two, don't need to be there if its something I can't do anything about.

From my roommates's story: he was playing video games in the front room when he heard a clicking sound, he thought it was the upstairs neighbors. Then he started to smell melting plastic and other various burning odors. when he went to open the utility closet, a plume of smoke and fire rushed out. He immediately called the fire department then me in an almost panic like tone. But there is no need to worry, the fire was secluded to the closet. The fire depot guys came in quick to put it out. Nothing else is burned, just the closet. pictures and didn't happen? You are gonna have to trust me. Why would l lie about something like that, anyways?

FFFF: My next match up is with Takala. yyeeeeaaaahhh about that... v.v  You'll see me in the elim-bracket.  

There are still some areas I need to go through (like the suiting, filming, and rock concert. Free time joblessness things) but this is basically (one time usage of this word so =P) what I've been doing at home.

I am a bit vague in some areas here, so if there any questions about any of the topics above feel free to ask. I'll elaborate more.


Thank You =^_^=

I would like to thank everyone who has voted for me in the first round in the FFFF. A 75% lead over Rebel Wolf. (Best of luck to ya in the elimination bracket) That is quite a margin of votes. I never would've thought I would make it past the first round! o.O

Thanks Again to everyone who voted!   ==^______^==

Kat, you had a great run, especially against someone who is popufur. Good luck to you in the elimination bracket yourself! *hugs*

1st Round in the FFFF

I'm in group B versus Rebel Wolf in the first round. A whole suit up against a partial. Its gonna be interesting. I'm not telling anyone to go and vote for me. Vote how you may. I'm happy just to be a part of it. ^_^

Other friend's match ups:

Kata'lina vs Twizzler
Jtigerclaw vs. Mozzee Otter
Paul Shep vs Kaiya Softpaw

Paul Shep, i'm sorry but you are going against someone who has had that suit for quite awhile and is very well known in the fandom. I always vote for the rookies though because they deserve a chance.

I was nominated!?

Received an FA message claiming that someone has nominated me for the Fursuit Fracas. O.o;  I have my suspicions of who did. I appreciate that whole heartedly but I don't know how well I will do. I'm pretty sure I won't make it far. They're are so many other active and talented suiters than I.

I'd say 1st round knock off.

$10 pool opens. Any takers?